ashes… May 9, 2009
Posted by admin in : Life , add a comment‘The impulse to keep to yourself what you have learned, is not only shameful, it is destructive. Anything you do not give freely and abundantly becomes lost to you. You open your safe and find ashes.’
Annie Dillard
the mask I wear… January 19, 2008
Posted by admin in : Life, Psychology , add a commentDon’t be fooled by me.
Don’t be fooled by the face I wear
for I wear a mask. I wear a thousand masks-
masks that I’m afraid to take off
and none of them are me.
Pretending is an art that’s second nature with me
But don’t be fooled, for God’s sake, don’t be fooled.
I give you the impression that I’m secure
That all is sunny and unruffled with me
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name
and coolness my game,
that the water’s calm
and I’m in command,
and that I need no one.
But don’t believe me.
Please!
My surface may be smooth but my surface is my mask,
My ever-varying and ever-concealing mask.
Beneath lies no smugness, no complacence.
Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in fear, in aloneness.
But I hide this.
I don’t want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weaknesses
and fear exposing them.
That’s why I frantically create my masks to hide behind.
They’re nonchalant, sophisticated facades to help me pretend,
To shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only salvation,
and I know it.
That is, if it’s followed by acceptance,
and if it’s followed by love.
It’s the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls.
I dislike hiding, honestly
I dislike the superficial game I’m playing,
the superficial phony game.
I’d really like to be genuine and me.
But I need your help, your hand to hold
Even though my masks would tell you otherwise
That glance from you is the only thing that assures me
of what I can’t assure myself,
that I’m really worth something. But I don’t tell you this.
I don’t dare.
I’m afraid to.
I’m afraid you’ll think less of me, that you’ll laugh
and your laugh would kill me.
I’m afraid that deep-down I’m nothing, that I’m just no good
and you will see this and reject me.So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a facade of assurance without
And a trembling child within.
So begins the parade of masks,
The glittering but empty parade of masks,
and my life becomes a front.
I idly chatter to you in suave tones of surface talk.
I tell you everything that’s nothing
and nothing of what’s everything,
of what’s crying within me.
So when I’m going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I’m saying
Please listen carefully and try to hear
what I’m not saying
Hear what I’d like to say
but what I can not say.
It will not be easy for you,
long felt inadequacies make my defenses strong.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
Despite what books say of men, I am irrational;
I fight against the very thing that I cry out for.
you wonder who I am
you shouldn’t
for I am everyman
and everywoman.
Author Unknown
tho’ much is taken, much abides… August 28, 2007
Posted by admin in : Christian Life, Life, Quotes , add a comment…Come, my friends,
‘Tis not too late to seek a newer world.
Push off, and sitting well in order smite
The sounding furrows; for my purpose holds
To sail beyond the sunset, and the baths
Of all the western stars, until I die.
It may be that the gulfs will wash us down:
It may be we shall touch the Happy Isles,
And see the great Achilles, whom we knew.
Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and tho’
We are not now that strength which in the old days
Moved earth and heaven; that which we are, we are;
One equal-temper of heroic hearts,
Made weak by time and fate, but strong in will
To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
Ulysses - Alfred Tennyson
As I read this poem by Tennyson, the line “tho’ much is taken, much abides” stands out. It’s been a difficult time, and the words at the end - “to strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield” have a sense of perseverance and determination about them. How does this apply to my life as a Christian? What does it say?
On August 15th, my dad died. He was 89, and yes that’s a great age, but still, he’s gone!
Tho’ much is taken, much abides.
After the funeral, what then? People think you’ll be OK. The world goes on. But it doesn’t.
Tho’ much is taken, much abides.
It’s been a hard year for work, times of very little, and uncertainty about the future.
Tho’ much is taken, much abides.
My children are growing up fast, next year my eldest will start work, he may leave home.
Tho’ much is taken, much abides.
Friends are having difficult times, it’s hard to see the end. It’s hard at times to have faith.
Tho’ much is taken, much abides.
I am now the oldest generation of my family in this country.
Tho’ much is taken, much abides.
Sometimes, only sometimes, it all seems to difficult. Then God moves in small ways.
Tho’ much is taken, much abides… To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.
forgiveness… July 18, 2007
Posted by admin in : Books, Christian Life, Life , add a comment“To relinquish the hold that the past has on us requires a conscious choice and, paradoxically, requires no strength, only courage. It necessarily involves forgiveness, not just of those that have hurt us, but also of ourselves, for the myriad mistakes, shortcomings and wasted opportunities that mark our lives”
“Forgiveness and justice are not incompatible goals. We can hold people accountable for their behaviour without imagining that evil exists only outside ourselves, or that life is as simple as we have been led to believe”
“Forgiveness is an act of letting go, of relinquishment. It is not something we do for others; it is a gift to ourselves”
Gordon Livingston ‘ And Never Stop Dancing ‘
We can hold on to hurts, pain, and disappointment caused by others in the hope that one day, somehow, they will pay, or we will get back at them. Forgiveness does not change the situation, it does not let the other off, it does not diminish responsibility. Forgiveness, correctly understood, frees us from a lifetime of backward looking, of wondering and hoping that things could have been different. It sets us free.
life is difficult… July 9, 2007
Posted by admin in : Christian Life, Quotes , add a comment‘Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult–once we truly understand and accept it–then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.’
M Scott Peck ‘The Road Less Traveled ‘
henri nouwen quotes…
Posted by admin in : Christian Life, Quotes , add a commentHenri Nouwen was a Dutch priest, author, and spiritual thinker. He had an unusual capacity to write about the life of Jesus and the love of God in ways that have inspired countless people to trust God more fully. Here are some quotes from his many works that I have found helpful.
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‘The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing… not healing, not curing… that is a friend who cares.’
‘Somewhere we know that without silence words lose their meaning, that without listening speaking no longer heals, that without distance closeness cannot cure.’
‘When we become aware that we do not have to escape our pains, but that we can mobilize them into a common search for life, those very pains are transformed from expressions of despair into signs of hope.’
listening…
Posted by admin in : Life, Psychology , add a comment‘The need to be heard, which is often something we take for granted, turns out to be one of the most powerful motive forces in human nature. Being listened to is the the medium through which we discover ourselves as understandable and acceptable, or not.’
Michael P. Nichols ‘The Lost Art of Listening ‘
Being listened to, I mean really listened to, and seeing that someone comes to understand you brings relief. It brings a silence that needs no words. It brings a connection that gives us hope. How many of us have people in our lives that gladly spend time just listening to us to the point of real understanding?
our greatest fear… July 6, 2007
Posted by admin in : Christian Life, Life , add a comment‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond imagination. It is our light more than our darkness which scares us. We ask ourselves – who are we to be brilliant, beautiful, talented, and fabulous. But honestly, who are you to not be so? You are a child of God, small games do not work in this world. For those around us to feel peace, it is not example to make ourselves small. We were born to express the glory of God that lives in us. It is not in some of us, it is in all of us. While we allow our light to shine, we unconsciously give permission for others to do the same. When we liberate ourselves from our own fears, simply our presence may liberate others.’
Marianne Williamson in ‘Return to Love: Reflections on a Course in Miracles‘
meaning…
Posted by admin in : Life, Psychology , add a commentFor too long we have been dreaming a dream from which we are now waking up: the dream that if we just improve the socioeconomic situation of people, everything will be okay, people will become happy. The truth is that as the struggle for survival has subsided, the question has emerged: survival for what? Ever more people today have the means to live, but no meaning to live for.
Viktor Frankl ‘The Unheard Cry for Meaning’
and so it was… July 5, 2007
Posted by admin in : Movies, Quotes , add a comment‘And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomolies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorise our days, are here for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives. I know the idea seems strange, but I also know that it just so happens to be true. And, so it was, a wristwatch saved Harold Crick.’
from the movie ‘Stranger than Fiction‘
Being late, missing a bus, getting the wrong address, traffic jams - all these things frustrate us immensely. What if those disruptions to our lives were actually there to save us?